Who’s the Bigot?

There’s a new speaker coming to campus, and he’s mean all right. Even his name, Ryszard Legutko, is fucking scary — that name deserves going through the TSA twice. What did he say that was so bad, do you ask? Well, to be frank, I’ve never read any of his books. I’ve never even heard […]

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April Journal

“An unexamined life is not worth living” — Socrates Last night, my roommate brought back a man in her part of our double to drunkenly converse with. At the sight of two figures crossing through my part of the room, I waited about a minute for them to establish themselves and then turned on my […]

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Art History Class, My Ass

Disclaimer: I identify as liberal/unaffiliated, although some views represented in this humor story may come across as conservative. That’s just due to my style of writing. At Middlebury, all freshmen have to take a seminar, and mine is predictably a writing course about ancient Chinese art collecting. The course itself isn’t terrible. We read essays […]

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Smile at Me, Stranger

Hello my friend Day was fine, thanks for askin’ again Gotta phone call from my Gram as I woke up at DoubleTree, sayin’ what time will I work, and when   I said that I didn’t really know when I was gonna make it home Taxi for one, make that ‘round 2:10 He thinks, “well, […]

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Take 5

We call it a ‘Take 5′ when, at the opening time of 7:30am, all of the Student Stores’ employees huddle together to hear the dos and don’ts of the day. (Usually from a sleep-deprived manager who definitely has something better to do, and usually the topic-in-question is about new or recently expired sales.) Today, the […]

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Eyebrows Deemed Important

Los Angeles — You may think the primary function of eyebrows is to keep sweat and debris out of your eyeballs, preventing mild annoyances such as blindness. However, this once undisputed fact is being disputed by a team of research professionals lead by Kylie Jenner, PhD. They  granted the writers of this article exclusive access […]

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